Breaking up really is hard to do, especially when you have been married for 12 years and have a child/children together. Leaving might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done aside from losing my mother. The reasons why I left are not important, they are but time and place and this is neither. I felt I couldn’t get out that I wasn’t strong enough to just walk away, so I stayed in a relationship I probably should have left long ago.
I feel as women we take on the role of caretaker, nurturer, and supporter of our spouses. Sometimes in doing this we lose track of ourselves. Who we were before we were Mrs. XXXX or mom, we settle into this new role over time whether we intend to or not. That is exactly what I did, I got so caught up in being the perfect wife and mother I forgot who I was. My needs and wants came last so often I stopped needing or wanting anything.
My life had become lackluster, I didn’t look forward to anything except maybe that glass of wine at 5 pm. Everyday was the same and everyday I was unhappy, one day turned into the next and before I knew it I didn’t recognize myself. Who was this woman I had become and did I even like her?
Realizing that you are not the person you thought you would be is a hard pill to swallow. But I wasn’t dead, I still had a lot of life to live and I decided that is exactly what I would do. I started living the life I wanted, doing the things that I enjoyed and I was amazed. All this time I could have been doing these things but for some reason I thought they were out of reach, it was not out of reach I just wasn’t trying hard enough. Everything we want is there for the taking, you just have to be willing to work for it.
Our hopes and dreams should be talked about regularly so we don’t forget, and to keep those dreams alive. Talking about something and keeping it relevant is really powerful. Don’t say one day I’m going to do this, decide on WHAT day you are going to do it and go for it! Realize you are a lot stronger than even you know, don’t let people underestimate you, you have the power to change anything in your life. You and you alone have the power to make yourself happy, don’t give someone else that power.
I am not saying it has been perfect everyday because life isn’t but realizing that I had control over my own life was empowering. Finding out I had strength and determination I never knew existed has been the biggest difference. Being told you can do anything is one thing, actually doing those things is another. Go out there, grab LIFE, it is yours for the taking!