Two years, that is how long its been since I was able to give my mother a hug and tell her I love her. Two years since I’ve been able to call her or take her out to lunch. Two years since I was able to just sit and talk to her about nothing and everything at the same time. In the two years since my mother died a lot has happened. My father nearly died twice, my best friend had her fourth baby, and I left my husband of 12 years. This will be my first Mother’s Day without a mother and a husband, and I’m lost. 

On Mother’s Day you are supposed to get flowers, cards, gifts, a brunch or meal of some sort and be with your family. My family looks so different these days and I’m confused about what I’m supposed to do. What’s worse is I can’t even call my mom to ask her advice. Having the second anniversary of my moms passing two days before Mother’s Day isn’t ideal, it’s actually down right shitty. Mother’s Day is everywhere I turn, grocery stores, radio and TV ads, e-mails, all telling you what the perfect Mother’s Day gift is for your mom. All it does is remind me I don’t have a mother to buy a gift for.

If your mother is not in your life by choice I’m sorry. The reason I’m sorry is because you are missing out on one of the most beautiful relationships in the world. The love of a mother can never be replicated or replaced, and once it is gone it is gone forever. I am not however going to tell you to make up with your mother, whatever reasons you are not speaking are probably valid. Every mother daughter relationship is different, if you do get to celebrate with your mother this year make that hug a few seconds longer, hold on a little bit tighter. Tell her what she means to you, tell her you love her.

The last time I told my mother I loved her she pulled a Han Solo on me! Let me explain…. Empire Strikes Back – Han Solo is being frozen alive in carbonite by Darth Vader. Princess Leia says “I Love You” Han Solo replied with what can only be described as the most badass response ever … “I Know” What? That was it! That was all he said and then he was frozen. Same thing happened to me. My mom had been in and out of consciousness all day and the last time she woke up I told her I loved her, she replied “I know Nicole” The last words she ever spoke to me were I know Nicole. In a way it makes me happy because she did know, she knew how much I loved her and I am thankful for that. Happy Mother’s Day and May the Force be with you.