Can a 5-year-old understand what cancer is? How much should we tell him? I want him to be aware but not scared, it is a really fine line. In July we found out my mom has cancer, and my world just kind of stopped. My mom is my best friend, I talk to her multiply times a day, everyday. She is also extremely close to my 5-year-old son. When my son was a baby she took care of him two days a week (when I worked) from age 4 months to 2 1/2 years. My son is the first grandchild, and they have a really strong bond between them. His favorite thing in life is to go to grandma’s house, I think he would live there if I let him.
During July I was constantly taking my mom to doctor appointment after doctor appointment, and one day my son asked what was wrong with her. In his 5-year-old mind he knew no one goes to the doctor that many times for no reason but had no idea what it could be. We told him she was sick, and she was going to have surgery, and after we hope she will be all better. Surgery came and went and what we thought was the end of her cancer was really only the beginning. We found out the type of cancer she had is very aggressive and usually comes back, and when it does it goes to your brian.
On to the next step and it is a big one chemotherapy. My mom told my son that she is going to have some medicine which will make her hair fall out. He was so scared when she said this, I saw it in his little round face. He told her he was really worried about her, he doesn’t know why but he knows this isn’t a good thing. When I picked him up from school the next day he asked if grandma had taken the medicine yet. I said what medicine? He said the medicine that is going to make her hair fall out. I said no sweetie she hasn’t taken that medicine yet. What he said next almost made me fall over! He asked if grandma was going to die. That was the most emotional question I’ve ever been asked in my life. I said NO! Grandma is not going to die, she is going to be just fine! Once we got in the car I put my sunglasses on and just cried, how do I know if she is going to be okay? I don’t know, what if I just lied to him? I know my mother is strong and she will beat this! But when your little boy asks you a question like that it rattles you to the core. I don’t know if telling him she is going to be fine is the right thing to do, but for me I have to believe she will be to make it through the day.
He now asks us multiple times a day if grandma has taken the medicine yet. We were told in 2-3 weeks we can expect her hair to fall out from the chemo. We didn’t know how he would react to seeing her with no hair because this was the main thing he was so focused on. When my mother’s hair started to fall out, my son was there when I shaved the rest of her hair off. Funny thing is he acted like it was no big deal, maybe it was because we told him about it but it did not seem to faze him at all.
The next step after chemo is radiation and we hope there are no major side affects to it like with the chemo.
I think it was the right decision to tell my son my mother was sick. He still doesn’t know her being sick has a name and it is cancer. I do think telling them only what they can understand is the key, if you over load a 5-year-old with too much information they will be confused.
